20 January 2006

quando quando quando

I want to experience wisdom. What is it exactly? I mean even wise men seek jesus.

According to the dictionary on my computer, Wisdom is the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment; the quality of being wise. I looked up wise and it came up about the same.

Is sound advice wise? What makes someone a wise person? I don't know. A lot of people tell you things. All sorts of things, from the inanely obvious to downright ridiculous.

I was recently asked by a fellow director to return to a production I walked out of a year ago. It'll be a groundbreaking show (I think) and I've been talking to friends about it wondering if I should walk back in. But something in my gut says I shouldn't. My head and my ego say otherwise. Since I started Sumunda, I've lead my life by my gut feeling and it has never failed me.

Is it time to let the twain meet? How do I decide? Something about the show doesn't feel right. When I walked out a year ago, no ties were broken and I walked away with a load taken off my shoulders. However, I've always had that nagging feeling of what if. I left one of the leads and I've been asked to return to fill a smaller one. This is where ego kicks in. With a career and reputation driving in high gear, it is a quandary for me. I have 5 days more to reconsider my involvement in the production.

As I listen to keroncong from Indonesia, soothing as it is, my heart and mind are torn asunder (how diva-ly dramatic!).

Agar hati rindu, ku kan senyum.

I think I will stick to my guns. Decisions must be made. Decisions made on gut feeling always lead me to the appropriate place, and I wonder where it'll be this time.

Success has a price and I've misplaced my chequebook. Will cash do? Or can I write an I.O.U.? Should I do it?

I'm going to watch people hit fuzzy yellow balls now.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sounds like u already know what u want to do....just be careful. Remember even guns can backfire and you wouldnt want yr pretty nose to be shot off just to spite the face....ego is just the flipside of wanting 'face' and if it, together with pride, is what is holding you back, then perhaps u r best not to go down that road again...I dont think u can shake either one off overnight...If you so want to do it, you will jump at it without hesitation....wisdom or no wisdom, ego or no ego and guts or no guts..Maybe give yourself a bit more time to mull over it as u watch those fuzzy balls bounce on the ozzie courts. BTW so sad our little Hewy exited so prematurely!

-ccm-

Anonymous said...

I believe that "Life is about choices. And never regret any choice that you made.."

It's not "what if" question that you should ask yourself, it's "What do I want, really?"
And I think you've already knew the answer ;)

~ Flower Girl ~

shirlene said...

Hello there!

Your gut feeling is usually right. Sub-consciously, you're doubting it and there must be a reason why. Taking on a smaller fill, you might confront various obstacles if you're trying to fix the show.

However, if they are asking you to walk back in now, they must really need your expertise. It is just a fair decision to offer you a smaller fill. So, not to worry about your ego. It's just a question of whether your contribution in the end of the production is appreciated or not.

Sorry if it seems childish....

Josephine San said...

Your situation reminds me of something which I read a week ago at Borders at the Curve. It was this book called blink, the power of thinking without thinking. It talks about unconcious thinking, whereby a lot of times our gut feel of certain things and actions are more often than not the right decisions. To sum up, i believe u did the right thing the first time around based on your gut feel, though u can't put ur finger on what's wrong... that's a story in the book that tells the exact same thing...
Reallly smart book, a lot of "aha moments......

Edwin Sumun said...

Thanks ever so ladies! I'm still mulling it over (with a strong bias of not accepting the offer)

I think the final decision will only be made when I get a chance to sit down and talk to the said director. It's best I feel to know what is at stake ie. what the want me to do, how it will play for both parties etc.

I leave with this: History will absolve me.

Thank you again for your sanity-balancing comments. ;)

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